No Reason Needed

It’s now late afternoon and almost Halloween eve. For those of you who are fans of Halloween or will be celebrating in some way, I wish you lots of fun and excitement! Before we head into the weekend, I felt I needed to share an article I stumbled across merely moments ago. One of my favorite authors, Amy Hatvany, shared an article on Facebook this afternoon and also posted a quote from the article, which ultimately lead me to click over to read it in its entirety. What I read left me nearly speechless and stunned. The author said many of the words and thoughts that are difficult and painful to verbalize, but he did so in such a way that made sense and commanded my attention and thought.

In the article, (http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/2015/10/19/everything-doesnt-happen-for-a-reason), the author states that everything doesn’t always happen for a reason, contrary to the phrase people so often utter. This thought in itself was intriguing and prompted me to question the times I, myself, have personally said it. His rationale behind it was unique and I more or less do agree with him. However, the most intriguing and eloquent aspect of the article for me, came towards the end, and I’d like to share the specific passage:

“When a person is devastated by grief, the last thing they need is advice. Their world has been shattered. This means that the act of inviting someone—anyone—into their world is an act of great risk. To try and fix or rationalize or wash away their pain only deepens their terror.

Instead, the most powerful thing you can do is acknowledge. Literally say the words:

I acknowledge your pain. I am here with you.

Note that I said with you, not for youFor implies that you’re going to do something. That is not for you to enact. But to stand with your loved one, to suffer with them, to listen to them, to do everything but something is incredibly powerful.

There is no greater act than acknowledgment. And acknowledgment requires no training, no special skills, no expertise. It only requires the willingness to be present with a wounded soul, and to stay present, as long as is necessary.

Be there. Only be there. Do not leave when you feel uncomfortable or when you feel like you’re not doing anything. In fact, it is when you feel uncomfortable and like you’re not doing anything that you must stay.

Because it is in those places—in the shadows of horror we rarely allow ourselves to enter—where the beginnings of healing are found. This healing is found when we have others who are willing to enter that space alongside us. Every grieving person on earth needs these people.”

After reading the author’s writing, I felt relieved and understood. So often, I have experienced situations where a loved one or close friend has experienced something tragic, overwhelming or upsetting and I’ve been torn with what I should say or how to convey them how much I care and want to be there to support them. I’ve often wondered if I’ve conveyed this in a way that makes them feel supported and cared for, or if I’ve simply sounded foolish. The way the author describes how to support someone, is eye-opening for me. It makes me recall all those times I’ve wondered what to say or do and lets me know that just by being there and sitting through those painful silences, maybe my support is known. It’s also comforting to know that by writing this article, I am aware that I am not alone in the sentiments I’ve felt.

Presence Quote

Anyhow, I felt it was necessary for me to post this today, because I know if I hadn’t stumbled across my favorite author’s post, I might never have come across it, so I thought if it offered me a perspective, it might prove to do so for others, as well. With that said, Have a great Halloween weekend and take time to enjoy the Fall foliage!

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