An Unexpected Return

Hello, there! It’s good to be back. I’ve toyed with the option of returning to blogging for several months now. At times, I felt so highly motivated, I was ready to quickly dive in and begin writing, but then my apprehensions and fears got the best of me and I ended up shying away from it, telling myself I would simply, “do it another day.” Well, to make a long story short, another day became another day, and so on, but here we are. It’s now the spring of 2015 and I am merely weeks away from my 27th birthday, believe it or not. It is hard for me to believe how quickly time and life is passing, though so often, it feels stagnant and stiff. Time is moving though and I’ve learned over the past year and a half or so, how very important it is to remind of myself of all I have, even if there is a lot I wish and dream for, it is still imperative to not lose sight of my blessings.

I’m so fortunate to be an aunt; I look at my niece and I feel such joy and love for her. It’s difficult to really place into words, but being with her provides with me with hope and inspiration. Seeing her in the beginning stages of her life, realizing how much potential and opportunities she has, is incredible. Each day, she learns and explores, discovers different aspects of herself and life, comes into her personality and when she smiles at me, I feel like my entire day has made a positive turnaround. She helps me keep my life in perspective and helps me realize that the things that have happened to me aren’t quite so bad after all. I can be changed or affected by the things that happen to me in my life, but I don’t have to be reduced by them. Sometimes, it would be easier to fixate on everything I have lost, but when I see my niece, I see the other side and how important it is to show her a smile, because she deserves to see that she has a whole world of possibility to look forward to. She can be anything she chooses and has the ability to achieve all she aspires to.

Focusing on what’s important:

Shifting gears a bit, last month, my trusty laptop of 6 years suddenly stopped working. One day, I sat down, ready to peruse the internet for the day and the screen was completely black. I could hear the sounds of the computer working, indicating the hard drive was most likely still intact, but the screen was completely blank. Nothing I did helped, so I quickly shuffled over to Best Buy and was told the detrimental truth: the laptop was gone; completely and utterly gone, unable to be corrected. Of course, there was the SLIGHT, very slight potential it could be fixed, but was it worth it at this point? Having already replaced the keyboard twice, the logical option was to purchase a new laptop. Due to finances and other circumstances, it ended up being a costly investment, but not only that, an emotional one. The entire day, I was without access to a computer, due to my files being transferred over from my old laptop to the new one. It was a feeling I have difficulty describing, but I felt isolated and deserted, as though a part of me was missing or out of order. It was a feeling, I am almost embarrassed to admit; being so unbelievably dependent on a piece of technology. Being without technology is something I WANT to be comfortable being without. I don’t like that I’ve come to often hide behind my laptop. I suppose in a sense, it is a source of comfort to me, providing me with instant access and connection to others, via social media, blogs, etc. Of course, I can access them through my smartphone, but with my smartphone not always behaving the way it should, it’s often easier to see and carry out activities via laptop. Being without my laptop was a realization of how out of sorts I’ve become, how I often walk around holding my breath, failing to realize and recognize the beauty of nature, connecting to other people in person and simply enjoying life for what it is, outside of a screen and a keyboard. I want to be able to breathe in fresh air, live in each moment, and realize that the things that happen to me can be dealt with in a calm, reasonable manner. I am often so quick to fret and catastrosize the smallest of things and I don’t wish to be that way. Taking each moment in stride and recognizing what is important and what’s not, is a skill I hope to work on and perhaps, even through blogging, I’ll be able to achieve this.

This morning, as she always does, Hoda Kotb, one of the co-hosts of The TODAY Show (my newfound favorite TV morning program, having deserted Good Morning America and made the transition to NBC), tweets a quote for the day. Today’s quote was particularly inspiring and relevant to me:

“Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.” To me, this means, with a little bit of patience, we can be more accepting and kinder to ourselves, realizing that just because we don’t have something now, or aren’t where we want to be, doesn’t mean we won’t eventually get there.

That’s all for today, but you know what? It’s good to be back.

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